Cool Jokes

[cptmontana]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

[cptmontana]

Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that!"

[cptmontana]

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.

[cptmontana]

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

[fiddy cent]

lol nice jokes Montana, I have heard one of em off a movie, I think the last one. Cool jokes tho m8. ;D

[happyday]

one day i play one man want kill me but i kill him jajajajajaj;D ;D ;D

[sin]

Once upon a time in the great america there was john and john thought he was to fat so john went to the doctor and said doctor i'm so fat i wanna lose weight so i can lay down on the beach again.

ok says the doc follow me then.

the doctor took him to a gym.
where he started yelling ok katrina come out now and like fireworks KABOOM there comes a stunning hot chick

Wow said john what now doc?

when katrina answered if u can catch me you can do everything u want to me

So John started running and running and boom within 6 days lost 10 pounds

So the other day when john was at work he told Mark about his treatment

the enxt day mark went to the doctor with the same problem

the doc took mark to the gym to

but suddenly the doc said he BIG MOMMA u can come out now

and boom there comes a big black momma and she yelled when i catch you i'm gonna do whatever i want with you

and suddenly kazoom within 4 days mark lost 25 pounds

then mark went back to the doctor and started a conversation

Mark: Doctor how come my friend john got a stunning hot chick and i got a big black black person

well said the doctor its all about insurance son its all about insurance

[ƒé@r|駧»ßøW«]

harry potter stories are so farfetched..
I mean i can buy the fact that magic excists, maybe even unicorns........
but have you ever seen a ginger kid with 2 mates.

[ƒé@r|駧»ßøW«]

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch."
Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically."

"Rubbish," says the girl.

"No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on."

The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on."

"Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."

"d**n," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!"

[ƒé@r|駧»ßøW«]

An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The evangelist is getting really worked up, and it's soon time for the healing portion of the show.
"If you believe in the healing power of the Lord, place on hand on the television, and one hand on the part of your body that ails you!" The old man places one hand on the television and one hand on his groin.

"Oh, don't be stupid!" says the old woman. "He said heal, not raise the dead!"